Plato's Piece of Cake

One day when he was working on the Antikythera,

when I asked Plato "Why do you love programming so much?"

Plato thought.

... and said:

Well, because...

it's not easy as pie,
but,
once done,
you can always brag about it being a piece of cake!!!









Of course there was no other programmer to brag to in his days...

:)

SOLUTION

All stories are essentially problem solving,
done with fun.

Mathematicians differ,
about the fun part,
so, they do it (solve the problem) with numbers.

But, that's not the point.
The point is, that there was a PROBLEM.

And it (the problem, not the mathematician, are you getting confused?) was with Abe.

It (the problem, not the mathematician, come on!!!) lay thus:
Abe would have nightmares that in an earlier afterlife, on a blue colored world, she was the president of a nation that no one liked.

But, that was not the whole of it (the problem) either, it (another part of the problem) was her scorpion.
See, he (it?) loved to play football.
What's wrong with that you ask?
Well, just that no ball was big enough!

Now, now, it (the situation) is more complicated than it (the situation) seems.

The scorpion had more than 5 eyes all over it's head looking in all directions possible, at all times possible, at once.
It (the reality, the eyes, the sight, who knows?) made him (it?) very confused.

Add to it that scorpions are very big creatures.
(It's funny, they seem to be tiny-tiny things in Abe's nightmares.)
Not unlike the mathematicians, who are big, inside the heads.
But, unlike the mathematicians, scorpions are just big (outside their heads, where else???).
Their heads so high, they (it?, the scorpion, who else???) think that the head had needed wings in the first place to climb up through all that body.

So, you see, no ball was big enough.

This, made the scorpion unhappy.
Which, was another part of the problem.
Which, made Abe unhappy.
Which, is unlike the mathematicians, who are happy to look at a problem and happier when they solve it.
Which, is unlike Abe, because she was not a mathematician.
Which, is unlike her cat, because it (Abe's cat) was a mathematician.

Abe's cat, the mathematician, had given a set of equations (and blamed it on Shrod..something), that were very important in the country of Abe's nightmares, where she (Abe, not the cat, the cat's 'it', not 'she', wait haven't I told you this part?) had been president.
Or, so it seemed, because the scorpion's (Abe's scorpion's) cat had also given a set of principles that added fragile uncertainity to Abe's cat's equations, and seemed to complement each other well (this came in Abe's nightmares too, thogh she never knew her scorpion's cat!)

Whew!

See, Abe's not the kind to bother.
But, it (the situation) was different, this time.
This time, it (the problem, or a part thereof) was with her scorpion too.
The scorpion was her PET.
And,
in any world, you do not pet one. You usually leave them ALONE.
In this world, they initiate the leaving ALONE part.
(You still do not pet them, their heads are too high.)

But, being the inquisitive young thing (IYT as opposed to PYT in her nightmares) Abe was,
she (Abe, this is getting ridiculous!!!) wanted to know,
why is it that,
some one would...
want to be alone?
or
want to 'leave alone'?
or
want to be left alone?

It is this that Abe was contemplating when the scorpion poked her in the eye!

This (the poking, not pun) is considered enlightening!

See, people in Abe's world try to follow mathematicians particularly of the feline species,
when they too close their eyes (all of them) and realize, the world is not there.

When you get "enlightened", you really go thru three stages:

1. Hurt: "It hurts!!!", "Ow! Ow! Ow!", "OWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!"
2. Denial: "I can't see!", "Oh! so no more world!", "no more problems!!!"
and finally, as you learn to listen to other senses:
3. Enlightenment: "!", "!", "shit!"

when you go blind, you just can't see when you look. period.

Abe didn't go blind because she was not looking,
but, then there were those 3 stages.

Abe's problem was resolved.

This was just like the problems in the country, in the world, in her nightmares, where, all problems could be solved with a good poke, but, not with scorpions, not with cats either.

She no longer has a pet.

Consequently, it's the scorpion whose is alone now, and uses his poker to poke himself ('it' doesn't sound right here, does it?).

The cats are still trying to solve the 'no-ball-big-enough' with numbers...

What they have for now looks blue colored...

This might be a problem.

.

Beware! Scribble coming up.

What comes up next is another story that I wrote, in Delhi, about two years ago.
It was the most depressing, hateful and frustrating time of my life.

I dug this story out today, and typed it here.

It is not only hopless, it's also hopelessly complex, if you are stupid that is.
(manic depression revisiting....)

I am not calling you stupid.
You just may not get it, in which case if you do not read it again, and give up, YOU WOULD BE STUPID! and I wouldn't need to call you one!

It might be that you'd look for a plot, there's one, but, just for need's sake.
It might be that you may not look for anything else, but, let me prostitute my art (YES! ART) and tell you that there is a lot, if you read it slowly, like a poem.

All in all, I am very proud of the attempt.

It's original, messy, and innovative, balls to anyone who disagrees.

So, here goes...

It (the story) is called "SOLUTION" which is the only word that does not appear in the entire story anywhere.

Hey! don't feel so bad! Relax, smile, it's acually a comedy! :)

Watch out for the next post!!!

S.

A honest look at Anurag Kashyap's No Smoking

hmmm....The "Critics" panned it...so it's not worthy of a mention...too boring...bad movie...right?

Dead WRONG!!!

Reality is that just like Black Friday, it's the only Oscar worthy film (and Lagaan can't hold a candle to it, niether can MunnaBhai. etc.) to come from India since Black Friday!!!.

I am not here to bash incompetent Indian film critics...they are incompetent...and the market would soon weed them out...what I am here for is to give an honest view and review.

But, before that, I think for the common film lover, a preface is in order, If you feel daunted by the length of what is written here (It's close to 1400 words, a little more than three A4 pages of print, less than half the size of the esssay you are required to write in a language exam), skip it and just go catch the movie!

So here goes (and this is the BIGGEST, best kept secret of films...atleast for the common filmgoer, what DOES a DIRECTOR do???)...

Semantics: [...quoting verbatim from the website...]
the study of meaning in language.
Example: Linguists interested in semantics know that human language can be very imprecise. The word "love" means different things to different people. Moreover, some sentences are ambiguous--that is, they have more than one meaning--because of their syntax: "The chicken is ready to eat."

In cinema, semantics IS THE REASON, why a director is needed.

A director is the one, whose responsibility is to bring coherence to the various semantic interpretations that the actors, the camera, the edit, the write etc. may have.

Here, is a small example: a simple "hey!" said by a male actor to another female actor could either mean a simple greeting or could mean an invitation to seduction! in case of Joey from friends it become your cue to start laughing.. :) and it's a simple "hey!", just one word! Think of all those layers that work in human communication! Hence the need for a director.

It is a director's job (and responsibility) to freeeze the semantic meaning and make sure that this abstract meaning is reflected (and communicated) in the art (and craft) of everyone involved in the film.

But, that's a job description...

The "Art" happens when the director has such majestic clarity of thought that he/she begins to play with semantics of the film!!!

From the restrained lunacy of 12 monkeys, to the playful invention (and sheer, lustful joy of storytelling) of Back to the Future, to the tongue in cheek (and elsewhere, literally) gross out curios of American pie, every good film has this one contribution from the director.

And it is this experience that makes a film all the more worth while.

Remember those really "deep" moments you felt when watching that really "great" film alone (I am sure, all of us have had at least one such experience)?
Yes, that was the 'art' of a masterful director.

and now for the review...

We understand metaphors, I think most of understand semantics too!

Imagine how cool and interesting it would be if an entire film is made out of them!

I mean, react to this: A horse faced girl being passed of as a hot diva (because some disoriented ape-the-west designers made her model meaninglessness) drenched in rain, wearing a blue gown says : "Oh! I am drenched in rain and wearing a blue gown!!!"

Exactly ! It's supposed to be cheap, funny, and not deep, "sensitive" cinema! (like it was touted to be in many of our "family" dramas and "great" cinema. K Jo, most of the latter YashRaj mush, dhoom2, shirish kunder's pathetica, black, sanjay leela bhansali's pretentia and many others...take your pick)

You are taken to be a cheapo (even at 'never-pro/demented-amateur' levels like in those bored classes at schools, colleges), if you do this. Whether, in literature, in poetry, in paintings, even in photography, and music (case in point: largely unanimous loath for Reshammia's croon) but in cinema, this is exactly what our learned critics and the producer's PR machine would want you to believe is good!

And Anurag Kashyap didn't do it, which is why No Smoking is good.

So, back to 'No Smoking'...

The film's about two things...

One, The arrogant demand of a man, for his freedom, from the moronic, twisted conventions of the 'social' around him, I battle this too, so do you, my reader, all of us do. This is a battle he looses (as we all may) and ends up loosing his soul (which was pure and wanted that freedom in the first place), in the process he is also rid of a ridiculous "bad" habit. Look at it from the addicted smoker's POV, is smoking really that bad???

Two, the devil's devious plot to score your soul through tricks and trades.

In the mean time it also makes a few statements on:
How a man in lust, and in love searches for the same woman in all his affairs (by showing Ayesha Takia in a double role, as his wife and also as his office seceretary, notice that the names are different and so are the getups and role plays...)
Horsey Item girls (Adnan Sami crooning Jab bhee cigarette... for Jesse Randhawa)
Hell (the hero's descent into the nether world, that looks like the claustrophobic nightmares of dharavi.)
and many more...

Do you see, how many interpretations Anurag Kashyap is playing with?

Add to that the film looks like a BOMB! It's real, at the same time surreal, and if you were to freeze a frame, I am sure you'll realize that the frame is beautiful, and at the same time so real! not at all like the pompous beauty you'd find in SLB movies...but real, textured, grainy, and sincere.

and with all this, you'd think, it's not interesting, but, you'd be worng!
It runs like a thriller! You sit on the edge as each new thing happens on screen.

Towards the end it (the film) takes the metaphors and 'semantics' to a high as your perspective turns around from that of the real being to that of his soul!

Extremely beautiful.
Extremely revolutionary.
Extremely inventive.

It's the next generation of cinema for India, and look what a shabby welcome we awarded it.

But, there is still hope.

Take a look at the flick and try to see the film, with truth.

But, I think the film was a little loose on two points, and no it's not THAT big a deal, all films have flaws, it is what makes them interesting.

One, as I mentioned, the Ayesha Takia thing.
and Two, JA coming out of the bathtub.

Lemme explain, in both of these cases, there it appeared to me, was a narrative 'bump' or a 'turn', dunno the correct jargon for it :).
In such cases, I believe there is an expectation (and usually the fulfillment of it) that:

• There would some explanation, which was there [in the film], but at a different point when the train of thoughts was on a different track.
• Or at least that some time would be given, for the 'digestion/accomodation' of this new turn/bump to the 'train of thoughts'.

(I am not sure if this came out clearly enough, so I've given you these 'bumps' umpteen times during this rant :) , but you could take popular examples: Run Lola Run, between any two 'runs', matrix - 'reality' explanation scene, Solaris - climax)

What I am a little wary of is, if these explanations/timings did come across right?
I do not mean for me, I am writing about it here...but, for a rather 'regular' viewer (I am not, I watched it twice, alone, and then some more with my friends).

Anurag, I read this, said "It's an arrogant film."
And in saying that he sort of justifies it.
But, it's also HIS film, so I dunno...
Probably these things would slip (I know it'd happen with me, I can't even think as complex!), if you are thinking so much and working so hard on your film.

I mean, I saw Scorsese's Departed, and he does that narrative 'bump' thing every two minutes throughout the film so, I don't know (not unless I make a film of my own) if it's that big a deal, or if there are ways around it.

As I said, really not a big deal, end of the day I have just three words for the film...

No Smoking ROCKS!!!


Really long for a post, I am hoping it'd invite some healthy discussions :)

ciao.


P.S. there's a lot of bad english up there, cause I get exited about movies and then things sort of go haywire.. :)

A Plumber's block.

.
writer's block yeah?

A God Author I fan follow, Phillip Pullman said, when asked about writer's block, thus:

"Plumbers don't get plumber's block, and doctors don't get doctor's block; why should writers be the only profession that gives a special name to the difficulty of working, and then expects sympathy for it?"

in most cases, I'd agree.

But,
as always,
there's an exception.

What happens when a Writer gets a plumber's block, in the head (which, in case you want me to spell out for you, is the expert domain of a Doctor)?

It seems that some supreme being of creativity, in it's 'infynyte wisdome' sent this uniquely creative blob of a situation to me 2 weeks ago, and I suffer the pangs every five minutes since.
The 'situation' comes out of my nose... and my throat and you'd never want me to describe the tastes, flavours and textures here, if you're going to enjoy your next few meals.

This gets me to a curious situation.
There is a block. I know, for every 5 minutes I get physical evidence.
It's a block that requires cross domain expertise, as discussed above.
It's a block that has , to some extent, 'bolcked' [sic.] my output in all fields (except of course the ones described above)

A God Author I fan follow, Phillip Pullman said, when asked about his tricks against writer's block, thus:

"No tricks. I just sit there groaning."

I guess, that's what I'll do, till this 'situation' clears up.

You in the mean time can check what Phillip Pullman, says about writing. It's all quiet good aah...aaahhh....aaahhhccctttuu..ally!

until next time then!

I THREW MY MOBILE

One day, in the heat of a passionate argument, I threw my mobile.
It smashed, never worked again.

2 years ago, I had bought it with my first salary. The SIM had cost 180 rupees. I sat at the barissta opposite IIT Delhi and called home while having coffee and cakes.I promised myself ambition and dreams. I promised myself a new life. It was a little late in the evening, and there was a light rain, a little, just a drizzle.

The mobile was with me, in wet season and in loneliness. I'd put different ring tones in it and feel happy. I'd plan ahead and work towards my promises to myself.

As the mobile shattered, I realized, I didn't have enough money to buy another one.
I was fat and didn't feel so good.

How could I berate myself so? And just for a passionate argument?
I threw away all the promises to myself, were they so cheap?

But, I promised those promises again,
and, then some more,
and, bought another second hand defective mobile,
and, worked.

It's been 2 years,
and, I am still a little fat,
but, it seems that I can afford another mobile,
and, a better one at that,
and, keep working on those promises.

No matter what mobile I use since, its always a little defective.
I guess, it tells me that there is a little promise, I made, to myself, that I should be keeping.


......

I wrote this story some time ago.
In retrospect, I do find this story lacking some values that I'd regard well. But I regard this story well, simply because It's honest.

It was a dark and stormy night

It was a dark and stormy night, and I decided to write.
Purple prose, cliches, broken pen nibs, and butt aches be damned!

And as ligntning crackled, And as thunder crashed, I decided to share the writings.
Plagarists, cheats, despos, and stupid men looking to impress their bosses/colleagues/girlfriends/dogs/housemaids/dustbins be damned!

I intend to belt out at least one story a month here, let's see how it goes.

I intend to belt out other rants and rambles here at frequent infrequencies, let's see how it goes.

The stories would have a title in all capitals (so I'd remember that its a story I wrote, hehe...).

I hope that a day comes, when I get to publish these stories in a book.

Sometimes, I might put in half baked, undercooked (or even 'just-going-to-the-market-for-the-raw-materials') ideas here. If you , my estemed reader may like them or may have some use for them, please do drop a line. And oh! do tell me about the dish that you may finally cook up with the ideas you pick up!. I'd feel privileged.


..........

For a first post, please allow me to quote verbatim, the coolest novel(yes, a whole
novel!) I have finished reading recently. It's in three parts and is called - you guessed it - "It Was A Dark And Stormy Night - by Snoopy" , yes! the most adorable Peanuts
character wrote this novel when he became a writer.

The novel is sourced from here.

This is Snoopy's novel...in all its glory:

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night
by Snoopy

Part I

It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a shot rang out! A door slammed. The maid screamed.
Suddenly, a pirate ship appeared on the horizon!
While millions of people were starving, the king lived in luxury. Meanwhile, on a small farm in Kansas, a boy was growing up.

Part II

A light snow was falling, and the little girl with the tattered shawl had not sold a violet all day.
At that very moment, a young intern at City Hospital was making an important discovery. The mysterious patient in Room 213 had finally awakened. She moaned softly.
Could it be that she was the sister of the boy in Kansas who loved the girl with the tattered shawl who was the daughter of the maid who had escaped from the pirates?

The intern frowned.
"Stampede!" the foreman shouted, and forty thousand head of cattle thundered down on the tiny camp. The two men rolled on the ground grappling beneath the murderous hooves. A left and a right. A left. Another left and right. An uppercut to the jaw. The fight was over. And so the ranch was saved.
The young intern sat by himself in one corner of the coffee shop. he had learned about medicine, but more importantly, he had learned something about life.

THE END

(At which point, Linus asked, "But what about the king?" He got clonked on the head for his impertinence.)


..........


There, my first post over, expect a few stories here on!

ciao.

shauryashaurya.